"I don't remember being this close to Aisya before, not when she was this small,"

10:24:00 PM

"I don't remember being this close to Aisya before, not when she was this small," Mr. told me one day.

I gotta agree. With my first born, the bonding was pretty strong. Maybe because it is that introduction to loving a child, that first love. Maybe because I was working as an employee, 9am-5pm daily, so when I reached home, we were both missing each other that much, so evenings and weekends, the three of us spent time together as a family, but Aisya always wanted Mummy.

But as we analyzed more, we realized that it's also because Aisya had my mom and Kak Nanny (mom's helper) to take care of her during those times we were working. And then after work, its mummy and Aisya's time. And Mr, never really spent that much time with her, although he tried, but Aisya just never really preferred him ( haha - kesian).  So Aisya's choice has always been Mummy, Tokma (grandma), Kak Nanny, and then only everyone else including her own dad. It is only later on when she reached almost two, that she became closer to Mr. and even much much closer now.

With baby Luqman, as you may have understand from my previous postings, its either me, or Mr. We took turns to take care of our kids. He experienced bathing him from small, changing his nappy, even knows what to put on his baby after bathing. And I can see, that he understands this little boy well. I could be busy replying emails, and then suddenly, Luqman is already asleep. He could predict if he's tired, or if he's hungry. He knows the trick to get him to sleep longer. In fact, this little boy can sleep easily while being carried by his dad as compared to his mummy.

Dad carrying baby
Luqman comfortably asleep on Mr's shoulder.

As for me, I don't even feel like I'm missing out at all. Because you know, thanks to breastfeeding, that bonding between a mother and a child will always be there. But I'm actually pretty happy to see that bond, and also happy that I get my space and my time to rest sometimes. It was fun with the first one, but to be honest, very tiring when you child always wants mummy.

And when we look at the situation again, it is not because Mr. had more time now, or because Aisya was taken care by my mom and her helper. But Mr. realized and agreed, that he didn't really make that much effort in trying to bond with his child, because he was afraid to handle such a fragile baby, and he didn't really know how to, and he just let the mummy handle it all because it's mummy's job. "Its not like the baby wants me pun,"

My point here is this. I know many reading this post are modern parents, where both, husbands and wives, are working to support the family. Some, husbands supporting the family financially more, some pretty equal, and some, even the wives bringing in more income than the husbands. If your partner can make that effort in sharing the reponsibility, it is only fair that you also share her responsibility too. Make that extra effort in taking care of your children. Make that extra effort to bathe them in the morning, to serve them breakfast, to soothe them when they're crying, to put them to sleep! Then only you will understand, not only the sacrifices of your wife, but also the sacrfices of your own mom. Then only you will understand your child better and bond with them better. Then only, you will see how well developed your child is.

Barulah jadik modern cool-daddy!



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