On being Bitter and Emotional

10:52:00 AM

Received a random private msg on my twitter from a friend, "Hey Erin, are you okay? You seem a bit more... emo,lately. Which is fine, but just wanted to check if  you're ok :) " which i think is really sweet of her. But trust me, she's not the first.

I realized for the past 4 months or so, I've been quite bitter. I get emotional easily and bash it all out on twitter and facebook. Heck I even went ballistic on some of my friends of FB, which is really not me.

I think Its the whole study + work situation, which hasn't been the easiest to manage. Plus, I also realized that breaking up with my 4-years relationship boyfriend, has made some things in life unstable. I was used to having him around in my life for the past 4 years, and now that he's not there, there's a little bit of something missing in this system. Don't get me wrong, I don't emotionally miss him (like the whole mushy2 cry i miss him), I just find this whole situation of standing on my own, a new environment.

I've also started dating again - which means there's that whole new system to create and get used to.  Different characters and different expectations. Different routines for sure. Still a support system, but in a different way. Nothing wrong, nothing right, just everything new and different. Sometimes fun, sometimes disappointing. Just like my previous relationship, this new system will take quite sometime getting used to - to reach that stage of stability - no more surprises, no more games.

Honestly, entering the month of April, I'm actually quite impressed with myself. There's less drama (which I know is sometimes self-created), and my tweets are less emotional, and I'm generally in a happy state. I manage problems more positively. I've slowly gain back my confidence and independence.

Here's some self-reminders I write on the divider of my office cubicle
She said a few more things that reminded me of who I was before:
"You're so optimistic and strong anyways, it's so inspiring. You've always been one of the strongest girls I know. It's okay to not be stable now and then though. Life rarely allow for stability, anyway,"

Dear you, thanks for the kind words. This is just one of those phases. It will go away, insya Allah :)

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